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July 12th, 2004
11:56 am
I am vidicated
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/satisfied.gif) At peace
Current Music: Vindicated-Dashboard Confessional
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May 16th, 2004
07:12 pm
My weekend was arlight. It keeps occuring to me that in a few short weeks I will be unoffically a senior. That thought is kind of daunting. I also keep realising that I'm taking Jessie to the prom and that thought alone makes me so happy and excited. I bought a new suit and shit on friday. I'm on the hung for a grey dress shirt though. She's gonna look amazing, I can see it now. I was looking on my computer and I found this picture of me were I look for some reason, very sad. I'm unsure why though.
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May 10th, 2004
04:49 pm
was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?
Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?
What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed
"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled
In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye ?
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now
"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled
In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don't care if I live or die ?
I love this song. Goodbye.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/crappy.gif) Miserable
Current Music: Heaven Knows I'm miserable now-The Smiths
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April 25th, 2004
04:33 pm - So hand me the rocks...
No words to say.
( The end of an Anchor )
Current Music: The end of an Anchor-Dashboard Confessional
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10:29 am - What a day I had...
Wow. My weekend was alright. Friday was so shitty but saturday was definatly something else.
Friday sucked because of 2 things. one being in 6th hour because we were in the computer lab and Alayna got on Deadjournal and I was like"Why don't you go read Ashley's?" and she goes"Which one is it?" and I told her and I told her to go read when her and Matt Started going out. And she read a few of those and the look on her face was total shock. There were things in there that I never really noticed she said but it definatly but me in a bad mood, more than I already was. Looking back on that is like looking back on a family relative dying. Your over but it still hurts to look back and think about it. In one of them it said that I wasn't talking to her but she didn't care because she was just so happy with matt and in another it said How much better matt was than I.
So after that episode, I was feeling pretty shitty. Then I had forensics. A meeting. That didn't even get done or said what I wanted it to. You are a coward and you know who you are.
Then yesterday I had set crew. Jessie was there. We hung out afterward at my dads house. It was fun. I gave the grand Tour of the funeral home. I didn't show her the casket room or the embalming room because it wouldn't have been a good idea and she didn't want to see them. But we hung out in the lounge room and then went up stairs. Got pizza, ate it then played some games with my sister. Then my little sister decided to say something about her being my girlfriend, which she isn't. That started it all.
We went down stairs back into the lounge room and played cards. and We had a 'Discussion' over a game of war that lasted forever! But a lot came out and I eventually one the game! We were there alone and we went back up stairs to watch casablanca.then my dad and sister came back a little bit into the movie. We didn't watch that much, Emily wouldn't leave us alone. Then after it was over we watched "Moulin Rouge" because that is the best movie ever! Then at like 7:30, her mom came and got her.
Now I'm at home, unsure of what to do. I'll talk to you guys later.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/chipper.gif) cheerful
Current Music: That girl has love-Rooney
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April 18th, 2004
02:15 am - Wow!
Tony Daniels just IM'd. That's the coolest damn thing ever! I was asking about him the week before school got out to see how we was doing and I heard he was doing good and then BAM tonight the guy IM's me...Insane. Looks like I'm pulling an all nighter.
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March 5th, 2004
11:22 pm - why does it feel like we are always on the brink of something...
Today, went to festival with the Band, they got Straight ones!!! Congratulations guys. I tweaked my ankle today ollieing over garbage cans on flat. But I landed it clearly 3rd try. I was pushing it today.
Whoa Stef Stanko, stealing the heart away with every word you say. haha, me rhyming?? no. I had fun tonight, definatly should hang way more often. And movie night needs to start happening again, I miss you guys so much. It's driving me insane. Stef, you were totally looking fly today, I mean you look fly everyday but today you were like "FLY". you better keep that irish pin away from.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't do this to myself. AHHHH!!!!
this is my unstated quote but A thought I thought of inside the car
B.Stanko"What am I getting for Brian in the house?"
Me thinking to myself"How about we start with my heart because I left it in your basement"
Yeah, Hopefully tomorrow going to Royal Oak with Stef and I think Brian is going too.
I'm in a lonely mood.
( My song to you. )
Current Music: head over heels-Tears for Fears
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March 1st, 2004
03:31 pm - Whoopss
Sorry guys...friends only from now on.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/bored.gif) bored
Current Music: Screaming Infidelities-Dashboard Confessional
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February 29th, 2004
04:26 pm - I always wanted to do this!!
sk8er5566 (4:22:53 PM): I'll talk to you later
shakenmistakes (4:22:53 PM): talk to you later
We said it at the same time. That's soo cool. that's it
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01:37 pm - You don't understand the situation...
What a weekend. Friday, Hung out with Stef and Brian at the mall. Had an awesome time!! Stef was getting kind of crazy. You tell brian to not get so close and then you have her getting really close saying "Like this?" Nuts.
Then Saturday, Had Jessie Birthday party at Texas Roadhouse. It was fun. Danielle showed up late. I didn't think she would show up. I thought Wrestling was all weekend but I guess only saturday during the day or something. I about had a heart attack when I seen her. I got some really nice hugs. Then We ended up slow dancing in the middle of the Aisle. There wasn't a lot of room and there was music so it wasn't the same. We'll have to try that again sometime.
Seen The Passion of The Christ Last night. Intense. That is all I can say. It is all in Hebrew, I think. With all english Subtitles.
Why does this have to be so hard??
Current Music: You're gone-Something Corporate
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February 27th, 2004
06:09 am
Dashboard is on MTV2 with a live video of that REM Song that they covered live except they did a live show of the entire REM album and MTV is releasing it or something. but yeah. It's quite when they parts of the REM video and it's Michael, their singer singing but it's Chris Carrabba's voice, Its really funny.
now that Evenasance video for My Immortal is on. What a sad song. But hey, I love it because it's sad, there for it appeals to me. I'm trying to watch Rapid Hope Loss again because it won that MTV thing and it's rotating on MTV and instead of mtv2. I haven't seen it yet on mtv. joke.
I really don't have anything to update about.
Current Music: Dashboard not singing Dashboard...there is an odd thought
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February 26th, 2004
11:00 pm - I can be the batman to your catwoman if you'll let me...
I wonder sometimes what it would be like if things weren't the way they were for me sometimes.
I'm in the mood to write. I just wanna write my troubles away.
Now, more than ever, I question my decisions.
I need to be honest. I need to get this out of me but I can't. I need to get what I've been so indecisive about off my back. then maybe I can make a clear decision and not be all unsure of myself. It's like now, I'm really torn between two. The decisions I've been putting myself to have been pulling at the heart pretty hard.
I guess I have myself between people that I can win with neither. I need to realise that. I need to see that My chances of winning are of that of a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.
I definatly have a foolish heart. Maybe foolish isn't the right word. Who in their right mind likes someone since like the 5th grade and doesn't a serious word about doing anything until or just really say anything serious about it she is out of high school. I mean, I must have been born near power lines or something as a kid. Stef is an amazing girl, she deserves the best, maybe that's not me. not now anyway, maybe never...
Then I have Danielle, now my feelings for her are some what un clear. I like her, yes. But Do I really want anything to happen?? I don't know. I guess maybe becasue I doubt anything would or will ever happen. Maybe deep down inside I don't want it to happen. Maybe I will just wait until I'm 18 and then on November 15 2005 call and tell Stef I'm 18. It seems like an option because right now, I don't have any.
Danielle was right when she said I was a dreamer. I do. That is me. I dream about things that I can never have.
Maybe I'm just border line crazy. Like there is two parts of me and each one is pulling in a different Direction. I'm so hopefull on things like this that I just end up hurting myself. I always have my look on things.
Take my situation with Stef for example. you know, Deep down inside, I think maybe she does feel the same. and maybe it's because I have known her for as long as I have that I think that. It's like she's scared. What happened with her and Kent took a lot from her, I understand that. I would be scared too. Maybe I'm wrong. Call me crazy. Or It could be that she does feel the same and she doesn't think it will work, she knows it work right now. and She doesn't wanna pull me in more than I already am, so she doesn't say that she feels the same. there is just so many things that could be. I feel like that whole situation is totally Ironic between her and I. It's like the connection, that chemestry between stef and I is there. I know, I feel it. I'd hate to think that I'm just making it up, but maybe I am. But I'm not the only one. It's like there is all these signs that point to yes and then for some reason she says no.
I've also realise how much I hate doing this over LJ. I need to be strong. Maybe it's because I'm not good at confrontations. Maybe it's just becasue I'm an emotional person. I need to calm down.
If I were a character from a play I would totally be the Roman people from Julius Caeser. They were so easily swayed. and Swayed by words none the less. But ahh. That is where I start to think again. I'm not breaking in 2 over stef because she says she things to me, I guess I am because of how I feel about her with her saying anything.
I need to take a chance, but I have already. This school has been year of unsuccessful attempts to be happy with someone. It's like All last year and part of this year, I had my heart so wrapped up into Ashley. and then I finally just said "fuck it" and moved on. Then I rediscovered what it felt like to happy again with Danielle. WHen I say that when I was with Danielle and it was the happiest I had been in I couldn't tell you how long, I honest to god mean that. It was amazing, It was like heaven, only better because i wasn't dreaming. then that ran sour and I ate myself alive trying to figure out what I could have done to make it work. Thinking had I not done this or had we not kissed or anyting then maybe we would still be together.
Then came Stef. this was the hardest fall. When I said I had that thing for stef since I've known her, I meant it. But It was coming in stronger now. It wasn't just some elementry school crush, It was serious, it still is serious. It's like the more that I think about it the more sense it makes to me to wannabe with her. or to at least try. It drives me insane. Just thinking that maybe someday, somehow, It could work. And It could. I don't think I'm crazy.
I'm tired now. Super tired. does it matter? Do I feel better...goodnight.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/sad.gif) melancholy
Current Music: Screaming Infidelities-Dashboard confessional
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